A balance of self and service—partial solipsism.

Breathe; life can't be that bad.

—Nelson

2023 was a stressful year, although I graduated as the valedictorian at Covenant University. I wrote a lot about my experience as a die-hard exam-blazing-focused bloke, but I never wrote that I almost wrote 2023 off, even if it was the year that, to the masses, was seemingly the best as my pictures flooded the World Wide Web.

The year would culminate my 5-year journey as a part provoked, part enlightened electrical engineering student—provoked because I spent a good chunk of my time in school griping about the poor state of education instead of critically thinking to proffer solutions to problems—and enlightened because the provocation elicited in me a terrific reason to live—I’m now thinking again. However, what was disturbing was that my last days left me exhausted mentally and physically as I took on several projects and engaged in an overbearing academic grind. Now, I’m relieved, and it’s only because I took out 5 months after graduation—as suggested by Ayo—to (rest) undo the limited cognitive model that sufficed for my worldly purported university success.

My mental journey through university was accustomed to a model that asked, “Would this take me to Stanford?” The question tested any activity I wanted to engage with. If it didn’t contribute positively to the question, I regressed. If you’re wondering why I didn’t engage in what you deemed "fun," be it a relationship, party, club, or extreme social activity, this is why. I took it to the extreme, and I’m not sorry; Bear with me.

I did apply to Stanford. Just before graduation, I manically prepared for the TOEFL exam in August and self-taught myself to an acceptable score above 106. I wrote all the required essays with the help of Maro in a few weeks—while being occupied with the NYSC orientation camp—to meet the deadline. I didn’t rest till I finally clicked submit. Once I did, reality snapped. My body gave up. It was time to unwind and listen to my friend, whose 5-month rest advice kept rummaging through my mind. However, rather than solely rest, I went on a journey that has now resharpened my mind from the lousy mental state I subjugated to in the last 5 years. This writing marks a successful pivot in my 5-month traversal to a new enlightenment. First, the journey begins with work.

WORK

Work constitutes 80,000 hours of your life.

—80000hours.org

As a recent graduate with such mind-blazing achievement (to you, not to me), one would expect the after-school life to go smoothly—a valedictorian shouldn’t have to search for a job. You’re right because I didn’t. I wasn’t interested in any job, as I never planned for that. But if I had to detour from my grad school obsession and embrace the NYSC year—which I did—you should guess I had to search.

Not many companies chased after me, as you might have assumed, but an unprecedented, glamorous offer came to my doorstep. Jerry (God, bless this guy for me) recommended me for a job that exactly fit my skill set and within 2 days, I had an interview. In a week, I had the job. Crazy right? Although I never planned this, I felt that there was a force—a God—playing checkers for my success.

Work would go well for the next few months. However, I discovered that I was picking some bad habits, the first of which is a punch to punctuality. My workplace is a startup that’s not on the edge. We’re given some leeway to practice and learn without pressure to deliver on business logic. Although it sounds exciting, such freedom comes with a deluge of self-responsibility—if you care. I never bothered about timely resumption at work in my first few months. I would sleep late into the night, awaken when my body deemed fit, and stroll in thirty minutes late. No one cared, at least, they never showed they did. This would continue until I had a chat with my inner self, and it went like this:

Conscience: “Hey, you know this isn’t okay, right? If this were your company, how would you rate yourself? You’ve always imagined doing great work. Is this how you’re going to achieve that? Can’t you have some self-worth and be responsible?”

Me: [stares deeply into the abyss] “OK, the next year will mark my twist. Lateness be damned!”

That was how I changed course. Furthermore, what solidified my newly defined mental model toward work were 2 things:

First, Ecclesiastes 9:10 reads, “Whatsoever thy hands findeth to do, do it with all thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

Second, a certain speech by Jensen Huang, CEO of NVIDIA, summarises, “I was the best at whatever I did. Even when I was a janitor, I did my best work at it.”

In the book “Charisma on Command,” by Charlie Houpert, a lot of people wade through their days without passion and charisma. They complain about every situation and never show an itch for positivity in their work and daily lives. When they feel undermined and undervalued, they blame the system.

They never for once realise that their reality and outcomes of life are first shaped by their perspective and attitude towards life itself. In relatable words, they don’t care much about their work, time, and purpose as they meaningless repeat the cycle of sluggishly rising from the bed, navigating through the city’s traffic, and perfunctorily producing subpar work. They never think about the fact that their career, which constitutes 80,000 hours of their life, is a big deal. 

There’s a certain revered spirit that comes with excellence. I pray you find it and carry a message to Garcia.

The second maze I had to figure out was how to get along with my coworkers. Currently, I have a blossoming relationship with everyone at work, but this wasn’t the case at inception. On arrival, I discovered that everyone wanted their work to be pushed to production. We all wanted to be the ones at the forefront of whatever we were building. Although one person was lenient and patient enough to teach and answer all my damning-esque questions, I had a hard time coping with the major person I was assigned to work with. We disagreed a lot on whose idea should be implemented. For me, I didn't care a great deal. All that matters is that the most truthful idea should win, sentiment aside.

Our toil and contention would continue until one day I lashed out and asked, “Why are you trying to impress me? I would never spread a red carpet for you to tread upon majestically.” The entire office remained cold-blooded for the rest of the day. On getting home that day, I lay flat on the bed and stared at the ceiling, pinching myself for saying that. From then on, I promised myself never to burst at whatever peaked distress, no matter the situation. Since then, we’ve always gently come to a pact. When tension rises, I solemnly remember my promise, smile, and give way.

There’s a different way of getting your ideas to the limelight, and it doesn’t have to result in breaking ties and lambasting. It begins with recognising that the other party’s idea is equally as important, if not better than yours. When you do so, you’ll get others to play with you in this game of life, and you’ll win at a lot of games. To ultimately win, however, you must be resilient and fearless.

RESILIENCE

They say that life, in its most unadorned expression, is a battle of wills.

Six’s will is preternatural compared to yours.

—[Fitzroy] The Gray Man

If there’s something I’ve picked up over the years, it’s resilience. I call it the spirit of progressively “going again.” It’s something I learned from my old man—the ability to fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run.

I mentioned that I applied to Stanford. I didn’t tell you, however, that I didn’t get in. If you asked, thank you.

If you’ve ever tried applying to graduate school, you know how loathsome and undesirable this process is. After I clicked submit, I began the wait. Refreshing my emails was my second job at this point. Every second counted until the day admissions decisions were released. I frantically browsed through several applicants' stories on Reddit, Quora, and Discord. I met people who had done greater things than me. The Asians are not sleeping. How can someone have fabricated a chip in his teens?

At such a moment, trust me, your only hope is reverting to God, the one who plays dice with the universe because you must remain sane.

Grad School phases of misery

Two weeks before decision day, I concluded my fate that I wasn’t going to get in this year—my mom blamed me for losing faith, lol. All my mental models and, you could say, 5 years of submission to the model came crashing. The only thought in my mind was, “Dang! Can I ever beat these Asians?” My saving grace from the imminent turmoil was that years ago, I had come to a pact—I decided that I’d remain sanely okay if things went south. To vehemently pursue a cause with great cognizance of failure in view is my way of coping with my insanely high self-inflicted expectations.

Some days ago, I had a call with a PhD student in the lab I applied to and he told me the lab was only accepting a single student at the time I applied and the student had already been predetermined. I felt some relief, can’t lie. I was like ok, at least, this could suffice as a good reason for my nonacceptance. Fool yourself with whatever floats your boat right? Delusions be damned!

I channeled that energy to learning other things. In a month, I picked up Frontend Engineering and am currently launching a platform that provides accurate meteorological insights, facilitating informed decision-making, and sustainable solutions for environmental challenges in Nigeria. I have landed several gigs and am currently learning loads of topics from C to C++, Finance, AI, Hardware Engineering, Critical thinking, DSA, Piano, Vocal articulation, God, and loads more. It was during this time that I consolidated my actual purpose on earth—to be an African Christian at the forefront of civilization. Whatever this means, it’s in God's hands.

Have I given up on my dream? Never! What does it mean to give up?

I had a friend—who’s about to begin university—ask me for a piece of advice. I told him, “Nobody is coming to save you.” Looking back, it must have sounded surreal. Sh*t, I shouldn’t have said that because it’s now become the reality I face.

If you want to tread a different path far away from the conventional life that formed the foundation of your youth, get ready to be tested and deluded for a while. You’ll be embarrassed. You’ll mourn and be torn. You’ll question your capacity. You’ll feel debased. But remember, there is a reason you started in the first place. Call on that reason, remain resilient, and more importantly, in your pursuit, remember, that other people matter.

CARING FOR OTHERS

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

—Matthew 22:39

Dad said to me in high school, “Life is a jungle, don’t make friends.” This man!

That was exactly how I started one of my essays in my application for grad school.

There are 2 sides to the statement. If you peek deeply, you’ll see the truth in the statement. If you take it literally, you’d be me exactly when he said this to me.

I took his advice to an extreme whereas all that he meant was, “Son, be serious and don’t get lost in the sea of pleasing friends.” My brain, sigh!

Over the years, I was one who never cared for the feelings of others. It’s not that I actively trumped on others' feelings. I consciously avoided scenarios that would warrant such situations.

I didn’t like being around people I didn’t know although I knew it was simply a farce facade because I knew that doing great things required working with people. So I decided to challenge myself.

In this case, I needed to be subdued by whatever unprecedented action that would cajole me unknowingly into loving people and that’s when a friend came along and showed me unconsciously how to care.

While I had a no-girlfriend rule, this friend acted in every way that would make me want to break my rule, however, I used the situation to learn what I couldn’t learn otherwise. After my university days, I relaxed my rules and wanted to take things further, but ...[you fill in the gaps]. Nevertheless, I finally learned what it takes to care for people.

To care for others is to look for the good in others—to look through heaven’s eyes and discard every prejudice—to lead with love—and genuinely offer a helping hand.

In summary, having a heart of gold is made crystal clear in this song,

Show a little bit of love and kindness

Never go around with hatred's blindness

Take a little time to reach for joy and wear a happy face

Sing a little bit when the days are dreary

Give a little help to a friend who's weary

That's the way to make the world a happy place

Show a Little Bit of Love and Kindness

 —The Collingsworth Family 

From my university years till now, I have, unprecedentedly, made amazing friends—business magnates, soon-to-be politicians, theologians, technologists, content creators, mathematicians, writers, and so on—insomuch that I am now a preacher of love and a proclaimer of appreciation.

I met a writer whose mum kicked the bucket recently. We shared his experience and I recollected the word “sonder”— which means “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background.” I urge you to put a smile on the face of the random passerby.

If you find it hard to make friends and enjoy the love of others, develop a confirmation bias that everyone already likes you. Man is a gregarious animal. We are at our best when we feel valued. Imagine your impact on others if you value them. There are several people in each one of your million lives. How well are you appreciative of them?

However, to truly excel at it, you must genuinely love your neighbour. Trust me, your neighbours can save you when you’re ill.

HEALTH IS EVERYTHING

Without health, we’re not exploring the universe.

—Nelson

A friend regularly said, “Na who dey alive dey hustle. This life is only once”.

Whenever she mentions this, I’d look her in the eye, chuckle, and say, you just don’t get it.

Now, I get it.

I rarely took ill, save for minor breakdowns from accumulated stress, up until I had an ulcer.

The situation was so disconcerting that I turned into a frantic quack overnight.

I started reading about the malady and learned everything there is to it; from the type of foods to fruits, meal times, and special delicacies.

I could have avoided all that and the subsequent stress that followed if I simply ate on time—at least that’s what the doctor said.

Ever since then, I have meticulously tried to monitor my health state.

You must treat your body because, without it, the mind is helpless. An agile mind is worthless in a frail body.

Engaging in exercises, maintaining a healthy circadian rhythm, eating well and healthily, taking a walk, and reducing screen time are all important tenets of healthy living.

I’m better now. It’s all thanks to an agonizing prayer I prayed a few days to this writing. It was a memorable time as I felt the hand of God which brings me to reminisce on God.

RELIGION AND SPIRITUALITY

Should spirituality substitute for competence? Should competence disregard the role of God as its creator? God forbid that you become a fool by embracing either extreme.

—Nelson

In high school, we were taught, by a certain Mr. Kehinde, to read like prayers couldn’t help us and to pray as if reading alone were futile. In simpler terms, we were taught to balance things out. Nevertheless, in the real world, things don’t seem to balance out.

On one end of the spectrum, you have people who are extremely competent but disregard the magnificence and glory of God. On the other end, you have those who use spirituality as a coping mechanism to shy away from competence.

Once, I was discussing with my Papa Bear, and he said to me, “A lot of Christians are lazy.” I nodded my head in agreement easily because of confirmation bias as he was reinforcing a side of the conflict I had with the way some Christians positioned themselves.

A lot of the most active Christians in God’s service do not have the results sought by the world—at least in my field of science, technology, and civilization—how would I now emulate Christians? Sam Altman doesn’t give a sh*t about God, but I adore him. Am I then wrong?

I had to do a ton of soul-searching because I needed a framework for living and Christianity seemed like a good place to start even though I read Steve Pavlina’s Thriving Without a God.

Everything would become clearer after I caught a glimpse of some truth in Christianity after a 2-hour heated argument with my work colleagues. The truth is represented in this statement, “It’s about your convicted service to God.” Simply put, it’s between you and God.

There should be no comparison, not even the slightest.

Stop trying to view life or circumstances from other people’s eyes.

Don’t complain because of other people’s reports.

Stick to God’s story about you.

—Romans 12:2

I turned +1 today and I have learned a million things with more than a googol more to go.

The journey has been captivating and it's only beneficial that I share the experience with you.

Happy Birthday to me and you!

For a long time, I’ve lived in absolution of praise, adoration, or accolades. For the most part, I consciously strive to detour from such situations because, in summary, I consider it a fleeting emotion—a dangerous high followed by a dissolving low. These variations in energy, feelings, emotions, and spirit are what I’ve always dreaded.

Now, I’m reading books about change, leadership, and impact, and I've come to realize that praise is inevitable if you want to be great. Although several people inevitably seek fame and praise without producing worthy work, it cannot be helped that praise will be the result of being great, helping others, and being crazily passionate—all of which constitute two elements of fulfillment: growth and contribution.

Whenever I encounter such kinds of realizations, my brain bangs and shouts, "You’re wrong, Nelson, you’re wrong." The bewilderment that follows is a journey down a rabbit hole that I cannot help but dive into.

Ingrained in my tripartite being is a mechanism that automatically alleviates the need for validation, and this is evident by my wallpaper, which reads, “Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.” Introspectively, I see that this positive but shallow mindset has influenced me to avoid public praise at all costs because of the fear that I might one day, perform my actions in expectation of validation from people—a dangerous high and literal cocaine, if I may.

While that’s some of life’s best advice, should you then avoid great work because it’ll inevitably make people validate you? Should you deviate from scenarios that’ll cause applause? Is that how to live? These questions echo in my mind as I listen to Tony Robbins's Ted Talk, an excerpt from the book, “Charisma on Command,” by Charlie Houpert.

During Tony’s rendition, he speaks of 6 essences for a fulfilled life. Normally, by default, I call bullshit to such pieces of advice, as I don’t believe anyone can tell anyone how to live. What are you to do so when w—growth and contribution—which Tony mentions are undoubtedly the actual keys to fulfillment if you deeply ponder.

Against all feigned pursuit of vague and ephemeral fame, growth and contribution pose a dependency problem. To contribute, one must grow. To grow, one must have a reason, which, if tied to contributing, is a free fuel in the furnace of achievement. But guess what, They inherently in one way or another elicit praise and publicity.

Now, I’m retracing my steps, and it’s hard because I’ve lived with such a mental model for a long time. It’s ingrained in my nature, and now, I just realized it’s been limiting. I’m changing and it’s piercing because I might have judged people who lived differently than me—those who actively sought the public’s praise.

However, as with constant growth, I’m reversing the notion with this question:

What if you did things for publicity and praise and it brings joy, growth, and elicited contributions? Is it expedient? And is the world better?

If your answers are positive, then, I urge you to try growing and contributing; but there’s a caveat. To grow, you must rise every day and accept the challenges as you climb the mountain of life. You cannot worry about the end, the imaginary self-inflicted failures and fumble the start which is at your disposal. Be positive and tackle the day as it coughs up new challenges.

In Nigeria, loud isn’t merely the exuberance of noise; it’s a word with many meanings.

Loud (wow, you’re loud) is when you’re listening to a 34-minute heartfelt voice note from a friend on your way to Shagamu for your NYSC orientation. There are no mixed feelings, and you’re not thinking of love soonest. An accompanying friend tries to pry, but you’re only bothered by getting to your destination. You want to sleep and appear at your destination, but you can’t because of the traffic and menacing incidents on the road; your eyes only spin around.

As it happens, you arrive and jump for joy while wondering what this place has in store for you. You simply ignore the situation, record some absurd and humorous videos with your friend, bid the driver farewell, and proceed directly to the checkpoint. On getting there, you act beyond normal, thinking, “I’ll at least make some good first impressions.” You sweep through the process and conclude that you shouldn’t have bothered acting. The military men at the checkpoint don’t care until you break a rule. Impressions be damned!

After this, you proceed to a hall to begin registration. The process is lengthy and uncomfortable. Imagine a packed salmon struggling to breathe; that’s the condition you find yourself in. Nothing much happens there other than greeting a few familiar faces and being proactive in moving through queues to get your sh*t completed.

Loud (noise) is what wakes you up the next day. Was it the militant's trumpet or the friendly hoodlums you call your roommates? You can’t recall, but you must obey the clarion call. You jump, take your bucket, and head outside to queue. The scene is nostalgic as you remember your days in high school, only that this is happening at 3 a.m. Some angry man, whom you will later refer to as “Aquaman,” is keeping an eye on your water level as you fetch. You scurry while having your bath, dress in all white, and step out for the morning parade.

You’re stressed because you didn’t get enough sleep, but somehow, the morning drill is riveting. You’re oriented about a lot of things you can’t and might never remember because you long for the first meal of the day. Time flies, and you’re in a hall filled with about 1,500 people. What are you doing there? “Taking classes,” you say. The atmosphere is uncomfortable; it’s poorly ventilated, but you’re one kind of thermophile who can comfortably swap postures while sleeping through the classes. You sleep through and ignore your conscience, asking the question, “What did I achieve? Did I just waste my time?”

The noon session passes by quickly, and now it’s time for lunch. You don’t bother visiting the camp’s kitchen. You forgot to bring a food flask; you might as well forget the free meal. You visit Mami, the camp’s market, and buy your first meal, spaghetti. It’s delightful as you feast on the meal, which is garnished with other condiments. You’re filled, and a nap calls. After a while, you take a stroll to Neverland. In your dreams, you hear a whistle. You’re not a sports fan, so don’t shrug. As you move farther from reality, the whistle gets louder. A friend suddenly shakes you and says, “Guy, wake up; it's the militant. It’s time for the parade,” he says. You’re startled and dumbfounded. Parade again?

The evening parade sweeps through. You’re excited, as you’ve learned about military life. Your instructor is awesome, and he’s patient. His call to action, “prrrraaatioon,” alerts and amuses you; the correct call to attention is “parade attention.“ The discipline is profound. You ponder his odyssey. You scan through the other instructors and appreciate the atmosphere of discipline. This is the training you came to get—to prepare you for the real world.

The evening is gone, and you go to Mami for dinner. I’m sure you bought spaghetti again. After the meal, you assemble with the other corpers for a social night event. The atmosphere is electric. People left and right are drinking and having fun, but to you, it’s all noise as the speakers are deafening. You long for the comparable warmth of your bed. The event wraps up, and you rattle off to your bed. You glean at your screen for a while and call it a night.

The process repeats itself for the next 21 days. It’s a summary of how your days were during the camp: Wake up, go for some morning deviation, drills, and parade, have breakfast, go for lectures, have lunch, go for siesta, wake up, go for a parade, have dinner, go for the social event, and finally, lights out. It’d have been damning, however, if this was all you had to say about the camp. There’s always the in-between, and true living is found in-between.

Loud (mad) is what you wish to show when you’re abused by your platoon instructor. Everyone is assigned a platoon, and yours happens to be platoon 7. You’re supposed to collect a camp kit. To do so, you stride across the pavement to purchase a bag to pack your kit. In the process, your name is mentioned more than once. Someone alerts you, and you quickly run to answer. On getting there, your instructor musters some words in Yoruba and proclaims, “You’re a fool.” In a split second, your blood pressure rises, anger flashes through your eyes, and your brain has scripted an underserving response. However, as you open your mouth, something unusual happens: You reply, “I’m not a fool.” All fumes disappear. A fellow calms you down, saying, “Don’t take it to heart. It’s relatable to the Yorubas here.” You promise never to let it slide if it happens again. “To hell with your tribe if it requires I suck up an insult,” you say as you leave.

Camp would only become fun. On a later day, you volunteer to coach your platoon ladies for a volleyball championship. It's been more than 5 years since you touched that game, but you’re ready to take on the challenge. Immediately, you consult YouTube and start refreshing your memory on the game. It’s serious because you’re actively engaged as you write. Your roommates are wondering, “Why are you writing?” You explain, “I’ve got a game to win.” They don’t know you despise losing greatly.

Practice begins, and the girls are having fun learning the sport, including you, the instructor. Luckily, another person intervenes. He’s a pro at the game, so he assists in teaching the girls. You’re ecstatic, as you’re also learning and enjoying the fun. The spirit of “Haikyuu” hovers around. “These girls will show forth a breathtaking spike,” you think. The sport becomes interesting as everyone becomes laser-focused on learning the game. As you continue, you discover an issue: The girls are afraid of a high ball. “A high ball? That forms the core of the game,” you say. No matter how hard you try, they don’t just get it. You have no fear of high balls; however, you are unable to direct them while digging.

There’s no time, as their first game is fast approaching. So you conjure some probability: The girls from other platoons, if they’ve never played the game, would also be scared. We can win if we focus on proper service and teach the girls the best serving techniques possible. Little did you know that time and assumptions triumph and trump probabilities, respectively. Your platoon girls lose their match and are immediately ousted from the championship. The same girls you had assumed wrongly performed astonishingly well. Time had molded their imperfections. Platoon 3 won the championship. They had three pro players from the same school. What a coincidence! And guess what? Your probability never saw that coming. You take the lesson and continue to enjoy the game during friendly matches.

Loud (astonishing) is when you cross paths with Taoheed (Tao for short), a guy you’d never spoken to, although you’re both in the same room. One night, as you’re about to go to sleep, you can’t help but hear him advertising his copywriting services. He’s vocal about it and mentions that he’s very good at drafting a Statement of Purpose for graduate school applications. “If you can do that, why are you still here?” Your wicked scorn kicks in, and the entire room goes berserk. His friend, Rx, exclaims, “Waoh, that was a good, nasty reply.” “Tao, go to sleep,” Rx pleaded. Tao didn’t give in. In a jiffy, he had convinced you to patronise his service. His profound and adept sales pitch enthralled you. Although your first encounter with him wasn’t the best, you never thought you’d love him more.

Remember those lacklustre lectures? It’ll later be given some structure called the Skills Acquisition and Entrepreneurship Department (SEAD). The structure does make it better, as the classes are now divided based on interest. Want to wire a 3-phase, 12 kV induction motor or make ice cream? There’s a place for you. You didn’t last long in your enticing SAED lectures on wiring because something else caught your attention—it's not a woman, it’s a business competition.

You find Tao and tell him to come to register. You both scurry to meet with the organizer to gather more information about the competition. On getting there, you both ask, “Would the entire funds be disbursed to the winner immediately?” The organizer says yes, but angrily, because “we’re not sure we would win, yet we’re asking,” she says. You look at Tao in the eyes and say with confidence that you’d win this thing. The competition begins with some training, followed by a pitch in which 10 people will be chosen for the final presentation and judgment. You bring your A-game alongside the other 29 people. Although the atmosphere is hot, you're relieved because you now feel some real passion and competition. It’s different from your school’s kind environment with ascertained rules, where you excelled academically by playing the rules. This environment is wickedly subtle: there are no rules, and there’s no exam. It’s the best pitch or nothing.

You pitch your idea, and so does everyone. However, Tao’s pitch has some crazy energy in it. The energy stems from his personality and his love for disabled people. It’s a story anyone could buy, but Tao’s passion makes you want to own it, like being addicted to the iPhone. The result comes out, and you’re ousted. Tao qualifies alongside nine others, most of whom already have existing businesses. You’re taken aback, and reality kicks in: This is the real world in which there are no rules. On analyzing what transpired, you discover again that humans will naturally follow a good story, and for an energetic, relatable story with a cheerful personality, a human will bow. Tao understood the rules and won the competition. You, being so happy, jumped on the stage and gave him a big hug. “A race well run,” you muster. Lest you forget, a lady (Joy), whom you also assisted with her pitch, won a prize too. The atmosphere is electric, and its shocks and lessons are what you appreciate.

Loud (noise) is the last thing you want after a tiring parade. This parade is, however, unusual. It’s a regular evening, but this time, the clouds are heavy. You pray to the heavens that they release a perpetual downpour. In a few minutes, a rain splatter begins, and you’re told to convene at the hall. It’s like the angels were eavesdropping on your thoughts. On getting to the hall, you try to double down on your inner quiet to zone out of the increasing noise. Even though your AirPods' noise cancellation is on, the next conversation you hear weakens and muffles it.

A guy and a girl (whom you can recognize) are talking with sultry voices, but her mentioning her love for “loud (drugs)“ leaves you dumbfounded. You’re like, damn, as you try to focus on your rickety phone. You think you didn’t hear well until she starts mentioning her turn-offs. “I prefer the other type of drug; I do not like this one,” she shares with the guy. As they both share their experiences, you dive deeper into an abyss, wondering what’s happening. In your entire life, you’ve never imagined drug conversations could ever be something you’d hear. “Who the hell discusses drug addiction in such an appealing manner?” you ponder.

You’re uncomfortable, and you chat up your editor, describing what you’re hearing, and he reinforces a concept: drop the prejudice and look for a story. Immediately, you turn your value knob low and become active like a night owl. As they dive into their drug experiences, the lady describes two startling experiences. Once, she smoked some substance that caused her to imagine the earth without a single soul in it. On the other hand, she felt her soul come out of her body. That was the straw that broke your back. “How can you hang your life by a thread?” you soliloquize.

Before you leave, they end with this sequence:

Girl: I smoke well, and when I smoke, I smoke like a baby.

Boy: When I smoke, I have peace of mind.

Boy: How old are you?

Girl: Haha. Am I old? I’m 25.

Boy: Nah. You look like a queen.

“Oh wow, rizzing has no limit,” you mutter.

On another occasion, you meet a twin. His brother is a pastor at the Winners church, but damning as it sounds, he chose to become a “Yahoo boy.” You engage him in a discussion and ask why. “I only need about $600,000, and my life will be settled,” he says. “Why?” you ask. “My friend has quadrupled the amount. Just that would be enough for me,” he assesses. “I need money,” he reassesses. “Why?” you pry. “To cater to my needs,” he replies. “What needs?” you inquire. “I need to take care of my babe,” he retorts.

Although you try to imagine what kind of life he'd have if he decided not to steal to “take care” of a girl, he reels out the pleasurable benefits he gets. You ask if he feels peaceful within, and he says no and complains about a failed effort to scam someone the other night. “I'll be peaceful after I've attained that amount,” he blurts.

In retrospect, you're partly restless because you feel you should have been more upbeat. “Maybe that was your chance to win souls for God and change some lives, but you blew it off, or you should have minded your business,” you think. Drug addiction and “Yahoo,” be damned!

The NYSC orientation is coming to a close. There’s not much other than meeting a random person, Joshua. His approach to life tallies greatly with yours. You spend a considerable amount of time with each other and discuss at length about life, impact, and education. Joshua is different because, out of approximately 2000 people, he was the only one to whom you found a large number of similarities. You call this probability (1/2000) God’s coincidence.

On the eve of the last day, you reconvene with Emito, a cheerful, tireless, and provocative thinker whom you met during the pitch, who introduces you to Fred, a humble AI enthusiast and you all spend the hot afternoon under a shed discussing status, life, and legal wealth.

The camp comes to an end. You pack your bags, and after the morning parade, you head to the gate with your friend, hop in the car, and breathe, thinking, “Wow, is this life?”

This writing was taken after Maro’s memoir on his NYSC odyssey, Quiet. Thanks, Maro, for editing drafts of this. I desire that I do not remain your student for long and that my writing is less robotic. Above all, I hope that your words tear the fabric of eternity apart.

To you, my reader, be loud (amazing and open-minded)!

We're finally here. You're reading the last piece of the series (here's the first). I started this project as a way to properly answer the questions I got from the tons of texts I received from ambitious hustlers trying to make a name for themselves. I've also used this endeavour as a means to contemplate the lessons I've learned from the past five years. I believe I'm at a point where I can say, "You don't have to be the BGS, let me tell you why."

Ambitious people love goals. It gives them something to strive for. Something to think about. I've met people on the other end of the spectrum who don't even feel like getting up in the morning. I'm not admonishing you to avoid goals, that'd be hypocritical. I'm telling you to take some time to figure out what you want to achieve, and not lose your independence of thought.

People chase things not because they care about them, but because they think everyone else does. True as it may be that accolades bring respect and affection, the most relevant form of respect is self-respect. If you lose sight of who you are and what you're capable of, just because you're looking at this other thing done by this other person, you've lost already.

When you've defined what you want, you have a solid goal on your hands, what's next is developing a solid process that will get you there. Anybody can say they want to be the BGS, but there's a struggle associated with the late nights, anxious days, and peer pressure that isn't for everyone. This is why it's most important to define your standards. There's no point in struggling for another person's dream.

Some timeless principles I live by:

On Diligence

“You can be anything you want to be” is far from the truth. You can, if only you’re willing to persist a great deal.

Brick by brick, build a wall that no one can break - Will Smith.

Leave quotes and motivation. Wake up. Take your pen. Write the next steps. Follow through. Do it for a month and you’ll be dripping motivation.

My Dad constantly tells me, “Time will tell,” and my interpretation of that is this: Exercise patience, work diligently, and let time mend your imperfections. It's your cornerstone for achieving perfection, so allow it to refine your consistent efforts.

On Success and Meaningful Work

True living emerges when you cease the pursuit of metrics, validation, and titles, as it can be exceedingly challenging to truly live until you discover a purpose that transcends mere status.

Don’t chase the appearance of success. Don’t chase people’s validation. Go through the fire. You’ll be happy you did.

The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time — Jack London.

Everybody loves to talk. Everyone loves to watch others talk. Only a few do the work. Don’t become “everybody”.

On showcasing your work

When you copy from a single person, it’s called plagiarism; when you copy from a lot of people, it’s called research. Copy more till you find your art.

Show your work. Don’t make the graveyard wealthy.

If you feel cringe at showing your work. Get your friend to do it.

Praise others' work. Report if they steal your work.

On failure

I may have stumbled in hackathons, leadership roles, and constructing bridges, among other challenges. However, I don't lament these failures because I can skillfully navigate life by applying the principles I've learned through these experiences.

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose — Bill Gates.

Fail and smile but never forget to ask why.

Be scared and do it anyway.

Fail fast. Learn fast.

It's a disease to fail too much. If you’re consistent in failing, please go for a checkup.

On friendships

If you don’t have friends, you’re normal I promise. I never had till I started listening more and making jokes. Look people in the eye. Annoy people once in a while. Give ears and grin. Tell stories, don’t lie. That’s how you connect.

A smile can go a long way. But an empathetic smile, the entire universe.

Dim your self-consciousness. It’s your brain’s method of avoiding craziness. Don’t you want to be crazy? Be real!

Don’t be scared of heartbreaks. Expect it and love more. You’ll win either way. I’ve become the kind of person who’ll bump your fist after a fight. After a breakup, I might just break into your house.

Want to make friends? Become a person of value, that way, people will be drawn to you. At least, it’s what I did before winning hearts. But how do I become a person of value? Do that thing you’re scared of doing. Take that shot. Face that exam. Win that race. Start that venture. Offer that help.

Don’t spend time comparing yourself to your friends. There are starving children suffering from diseases who can benefit from your time.

On God

There’s peace and joy and divine direction with God.

You appreciate life, yourself, and God when you realize how insignificant you are in the span of eternity.

Every once in a while, shout, “God Abeg”.

Grow Beyond You (My imminent Newsletter):

I’ve always wanted to write. I started writing years back without the foreknowledge of the vast span of the writing world. Writing was my therapy. It was amazing to me that I could pen the thoughts that my speech couldn’t conceive. After a while, I stopped. Engineering took my heart.

It would take some serious resolution between mind and body to finally merge my writing ability with my technical and growing expertise as an engineer. After that, the next question popped, “What would I write about?”

However, like Charles Bukowski, I was determined not to become a dull and pretentious writer who would put the world's libraries to sleep. To avoid such a fate, I delved deeply into researching various concepts to write about.

Grow beyond you is my answer. You should have seen it in some places during the series.

Its message is simple and encapsulated in these two notions:

• Grow beyond your current capacity and achieve your goals every day.
• Grow beyond yourself considering others every day.

I’m still thinking of it, and I hope I don’t think for too long.

I’m sure you’ll love it. For now, click subscribe on the left navigation pane if it resonates with you.

To my senior comrades:

Through insightful conversations, you equipped me with important advice that aided my success through the EIE department, at Covenant University.

• Usih Ebenezer, Graduate Research Assistant, Neuromorphic Computing Lab, UTDallas
• Iyasei Joshua, Agile Project Manager
• Oreoluwa Oluwafemi, Embedded Systems Engineer, GreenPeg
• Ikedinachi Collins, Software Engineer
• Oghale Ebebeinwe, Control and Automation Engineer, Schneider Electric
• Henry Emerald, Data Support, Clinton Health Access Initiative
• Victor Ezekiel, Research Enthusiast (AI, Robotics, Autonomous Systems)
• Deborah Osagie, DevOps Engineer, Softcom
• Oluwatobi Adetula, Embedded Systems Engineer, GreenPeg

I’m forever grateful, and I hope to meet y’all in a new light again.

Author’s Note:

This series on my journey as the Best Graduating Student would not have been made possible without graceful hands on deck. They ensured every post was successful with its message passed across promptly. They did so to inspire the next generation to grow beyond themselves. They are more than just a team to me. They have become visionaries and brothers.

• Maro my strict editor; is an essayist who believes in using his words to start conversations that lead people closer to the truth. He’s currently pursuing careers in cloud computing or data science (whichever one would have him), but while he waits for his shot, he’s being an amateur journalist running the publication, “My Side of the World” on Substack.
• Gisanrin my Graphics Designer
• Hephzibah my Media Manager
• John Michael my Media Distributor

Thanks a lot, guys. It’s been a ride and you all proved faithful. Let’s do this again, but this time, I’d be telling your stories of greatness.

To you my reader:

I’ve been awake since 3:20 a.m. trying to wrap up this series.

This is the longest I have written my entire life. I hope it won’t be for long.

It’s taken over 10,000 words to paint the picture of my journey. It’s the best I’ve ever written.

It’s the first time I’ve worked with a team to publish a series without a break.

During this process,

I’ve called my team during the early hours to ensure the next post is up. I've accidentally fallen asleep while typing, only to be jolted awake at 5 a.m. to finish up.

Maro’s currently editing this piece as he hits the road by 5:30 a.m. Hephzibah has been planning media strategies since Midnight. Gisanrin is discussing graphics with me at 6:00 a.m. And John Michael is ever ready to click share.

I’ve held calls during the rush hour of the morning in a Danfo ride to ensure the next post is up.

I’ve arrived at work, sweating profusely, to ensure the next post is up.

I've prayed to God that this series helps at least one person, even if it's just one.

I’ve gone through some rigorous self-reflection as I’ve done all these for you, yes you!

You are capable of great things. It’s not some cliché realization. You can break boundaries.

You can wield the earth and God’s power to provoke the change you want.

If you don’t gain anything at all, I don’t mind, but here’s what I want you to remember:

I never knew all these things. I never had all these skills. I was never this "Nelson".

All I did was rapid experimentation and evolution - with God's grace: You can do so by having a growth mindset to Grow beyond Yourself (subscribe).

TLDR: Don’t serve God aimlessly. You must be convicted.

Everyone has their story and encounter with God. Some heard a preacher’s admonition, while some were more mystical. Mine was a bit of a wrestling match between my mind and God’s.  It’s the complex truth, but here goes nothing.

I come from a Christian home. My Dad prays like his life depends on it. That guy calls on God incessantly. By midnight, he steadily prays and worships God every Sunday while I’m reading or watching a video in the next room. At times, I zone out and start to think of the possible reasons for his demeanour: Why does he pray so vehemently to this day? What’s his conviction? The more I thought, the more I marvelled.

I believed in God but had no conviction irrespective of my environment. My parents are firm Christians so it’s only likely that I became one. I aimlessly went to church, prayed, and fasted. But deep down, I never really understood what any of those things meant. I’d given my life to Christ from the altar call, but truth be told, my mind was still a mess.

Though I believed in God's existence, I never perceived the renditions of preachers as more than marketing campaigns. Serve God for success. Serve God for protection. Serve God for his grace. The slogans passed through my ears like spring water. They had no stronghold on me. In fact, it was more of a superficial transaction to me. The most successful people in the world don’t care any iota about God, and here you are selling me a God ad? Do you think it will work on a guy like me who’s obsessed about knowing the why? I badly needed an explanation: Why this God?

I attend the heavily conservative Deeper Life Bible Church (DLBC), so entering a somewhat liberal denomination like Living Faith was a culture shock. For the first time, I sat with women who left their hair open in church, trying to reconcile what I was seeing with what 1 Corinthians 11: 4 – 5 taught me. This was the beginning of my conflict. Who chooses what’s right or wrong? Are we tailoring God’s word to our taste? You can argue all you want and define the terms; I don’t care. It’s there. You might say it’s little. But little gets bigger when God’s involved.

I pondered further. Are we choosing our own version of God? Are we hooked on mimesis? What does God mean to us? My contentions wouldn’t stop. I asked questions and kept asking but got no answers. My friends who were service unit heads couldn’t answer. I and Sayo especially, fought a lot. We just couldn’t come to a pact. He’d always say, God would reveal himself to you – thankfully, He did.

My conflicted reasoning was only amplified in CU. CU's success is regularly attributed to its God factor. It’s sometimes depicted as a haven to find God. My case was different. Rather than finding God, my desire was more to understand God or at least the concept of God. The real puzzle for me was understanding my relationship with God.

In CU, you’re expected to attend the Chapel during your designated days of worship. Especially since it's tied to your class attendance. It’s a great move. I applaud. But what’s the side effect of this? A crowd of people coming for “service” without any understanding or reason for stepping in. When you ask questions,  it's equivalent to heresy. You’re considered an outcast or possibly a demon to some extreme level. This instigated the question in me, “Is God a mimetic theory?”

I think the issue emanated from the prosperity concepts taught. “You can’t succeed in life if you don’t serve God,” is a regular rhetoric. Once I hear this, my mind goes, but that’s a lie. In several cases, I’d go meet these preachers personally asking them for explanations. Most times, I end up getting all wound up in recursive explanations. But it was still a lie. I chose not to see a relationship with God that way – a mere transaction for success.

I met people who served God but never regarded him. I had been reading the Bible and was familiar with some “rules” – what I called it then. But some people, dare I say leaders never followed them. If they did, they tweaked it to their satisfaction. How do you explain a young person who knocks boot minutes after leading the choir? How do you explain someone who’s sleeping off while “speaking in tongues?” I tried to ignore it, but my brain wouldn’t shut off. I couldn’t look away.

After my honest but misguided search, I realised the issue didn’t lie in the places I looked, but in the lens I was seeing through.

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It would take time to create an independent perspective. I sought relief from judging through the lens of others. Things were settled after a decent amount of soul-searching coupled with a pacification of my over-analytical brain.

Steve Pavlina was a fervent Catholic. He’d follow his parents to church and get involved in biblical activities. Then he started having questions. Questions I’ve grappled with over time. Questions on morality, intention, and meaning. Since they couldn’t provide answers, he quickly left the church and became antagonistic to anything concerning religion, morals, or virtue. This new trait got him expelled and later on, in jail. It was at this point his life flashed before his eyes. “So, I’m going to spend the next 2 years of my life in jail?” he said. Luckily for him, the process didn’t last as long.

On getting out, he knew his lack of virtue and principle put his life at a standstill, so he sought positive virtues and atheism as his religious and moral construct. His courage to choose is what got to me. If he could define his system for a good life, so could I. My turmoil ceased immediately.

When Steve Hawkins was asked if he believed in God, he gave a profound yet disturbing response. “I will not allow the belief in a transcendent entity to hinder my work on the study of the universe.” It’s very easy to disavow him: That’s usually the quick move by Christians - they’re quick to write off ideals against their constructs.  But for a moment, put yourself in his shoes and try to understand: You’ve devoted yourself to studying the universe only to be told by someone about some unknown entity.

This makes it hard for scientists to believe in God. Can there be an unknown creator? Am I stupid for being subdued by the inability to rationalise the unknown?  Whatever science figures out, science subdues. It is because of this, they say there’s no God. And there lies their folly.

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal human beings and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Romans 1: 18 - 25

God makes the invisible known to scientists, yet they glorify themselves in their wisdom as they jolly in the discovery of the universe. There’s nothing new under the sun, it’s only hidden.

Some other people say, that God is nature, and their purpose is to be good and happy. I disagree with this assessment. If the purpose of life was to have fun, there’s not much of that going around, is there? My brain wrecks badly when I think about it. You cannot reduce the bane of existence to an emotion. Wake up, please.

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I believe in God. It’s my resolve. I can’t navigate Earth without some divine direction. I don’t believe connections and money can help you become the best sailor on this journey, let alone a decent human being. It took a war between mind and soul to get this perspective. A good amount of philosophising. But I’ve gotten out of the rut, and since clung to the words of Peter Unger, “Philosophy is a bunch of empty Ideas.”

I’ve mentioned all the miles worked, the journey traversed, the mountains climbed simply to look for answers, and I can say I believe in God. I love God. I’m a Christian. But this only came about when I read an atheist’s reason for being an atheist. He went through his fire and experience and chose to be an atheist.

I might have chosen something else, but I finally had peace with Christianity and God. The preachings couldn’t give me answers, I won’t lie. I had to experience God for myself. I’m still experiencing his Goodness. His words are lightning to my flesh. His love is a soothing melody to my soul.

We all need a personal experience with God. Accepting Jesus is foolish to the world, but you’re not for the world, are you? As a rationalist, it’s the most irrational act I stand for.  But I can’t be jolted. I’ve made my choice. It never makes sense. And that’s God. God can’t be subdued to logic. If he is, would he still be your God? God can only be accessed through faith which cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Leave logic. Love God.

During my obsession with why, I met several friends who weighed in their opinions:

Ikhide: Whatever success you have now is incomparable to what God has in store for you. The journey is still far.

Sayo: Be humble and serve God.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m not an apologetic or a preacher. I only took you through my journey to define the virtues that guide my life to this day. God was my biggest source of strength in school. I rarely yielded to others, then and now. I still have my questions, but my faith consoles me. I’m still growing and fervently seeking his will and ideals.

My only piece of advice is God is real, but you must figure him out for yourself, and not merely subscribe to some mimetic theory because someone told you to do so. It’s extremely rewarding when you willingly and faithfully turn your life to God. Your flesh dissolves. Your mind resolves. You evolve.