Since making my LinkedIn post↗, which now has more than 90,000 impressions, I have received countless DMs and emails, all asking one central question: Nelson, can you review my essays for the X scholarship or the Y graduate program? Some have boldly asked for my own essays. While I do not have a problem with sharing my essays, I worry about the repercussions of sharing a single essay with multiple people. Everyone of them will likely think in the same manner and therefore produce similar compositions.
Additionally, at this point, which unfortunately coincides with several scholarly applications, I am swamped. I’m not one to complain, but Cambridge can be hell. Mix that with studying machine learning, and you may have the lake of fire. I just took my first exams, and they were brutal, but my friends won’t believe me when I tell them that I prayed for a point above F. If you still doubt me, ask my colleague Busolami↗; the gelato we sucked to drown our sorrows after that paper sobbed on our behalf.
Since I have very little time and can’t share the same information with a multitude, and since you all have no patience for my upcoming book↗, and since I desire that you all submit a successful application this academic cycle, I will provide a mental framework of how I approached my essays, which can be generally applied to a great deal of essay applications.
First, let’s get these 10 ideologues out of the way before we jump into a more pragmatic session:
- No one produces a perfect draft in the first instance. Good writing is the result of numerous edits, especially when multiple eyes are involved. Time is all it takes.
- You can already write well. A good structure is likely what you need.
- If you still think that writer’s block is your obstacle, then you haven’t digested Dan Harmon’s best advice↗ on writing.
- Most write-ups have a theme. Don’t tell me about your dog that died yesterday when I only asked about your cat. If it was your cat that caused its death, don’t ignore that.
- Don’t use “viridescent” in place of “green.” Delete all obfuscation. Seriously, delete it.
- Don’t try to fit the essay or scholarship requirements to yourself. The requirement is fixed; fit yourself to it. If you don’t have what they require, bother less.
- You can use AI for a Midas touch. What doesn’t make sense is using AI to formulate a story for your life. If you have nothing, go and try new things. Leave ChatGPT.
- Patiently write your best, then rewrite your best patiently, then submit.
- This 49-page book↗ on essay writing by Jordan Peterson (JP) and this fab compilation↗ by Gary Provost are excellent references on how to write. JP’s guide is all you may need.
- Never compare your writing to someone else’s. We’re all consequences of very distinct life experiences. Take me, for example: I have read Will Storr’s "Science of Storytelling," Jordan Peterson’s 49-page guide on essay writing, Gary Provost’s "100 Ways to Improve Your Writing," thousands of blog pages, Medium writings, and Substack letters. I have put all these skills into practice through grant writing, essay writing, proposal writing, and wavering love letters, and I have failed a great deal more than my successes can count. It would not be sensible for you to measure against me and for me to compare myself to Ayn Rand↗, Hajime Isayama↗, or Gwern.net↗. Don’t sulk and compare. Admire!
Moving on, I will focus solely on my application to the University of Cambridge (UoC), which utilized the same ideas as my successful applications to Stanford University and the University of California, Berkeley.
Let’s begin with my application essay that won me the MasterCard Foundation (MCF) Scholarship at the UoC:
Essay prompt: Provide a two-page document explaining your career history, how the Mastercard Foundation scholarship will contribute to your trajectory, and how you hope to contribute to the scholarship goal of sustainable futures in Africa.
If you remember idea number four, you’ll first note the themes required by the MCF Scholarship at the UoC. While I hold your hands, write the themes down:
- Explain your career history.
- Explain how the MCF scholarship at the UoC will contribute to your trajectory.
- Explain how you hope to contribute to the scholarship goal of sustainable futures in Africa.
Having done that, pause and think about these themes before you dive in headfirst: Do you really have all the necessary bits before writing? In Jordan Peterson’s essay guide, he outlines that before you can write on any topic, you need 5-10 books or articles per thousand words of essay. However, in the case of applying for a scholarship, you are lucky because the 5-10 books are literally pages of your life, which you already know obsessively.
But if you’re seeing this prompt for the first time, you’ll notice that the third theme appears far-flung. You might be able to answer the first two themes since they both belong to you, but the scholarship’s goal of sustainable futures in Africa exists outside of your mental sphere. Wouldn’t you go and search for the MCF scholarship’s goal of sustainable futures in Africa and explore how you can help them achieve that goal?
To save you the stress, the MCF scholarship at the UoC is particularly keen on the linkage between your chosen course of study and its contribution to climate resilience and sustainability in Africa. This is what they dearly want you to yap about. (Please note that this theme is as of 2025. Themes may change with time. So take back the stress and cross-examine.)
Before we review my essays, I assume that you have verified your eligibility for the scholarship or writing opportunity you are applying for or hope to pursue. If a scholarship is only for Singaporeans and you, as an Eldian, are applying, you'd better transform into a Singaporean the moment you click submit. Check here↗ for all details about the MCF scholarship at the UoC.
So, how might you begin an essay where you’re asked about your career history, trajectory, and prospective contribution to a sustainable Africa, all in one? Should you start from behind, the middle, or above? Should you introduce your own theme since the three themes might not be enough? What exactly is my trajectory? Where am I going? All these rabbit holes should start gawking at you at this moment, and you should hit rock bottom when you finally ask, "Who am I?"
Here’s an interesting practical session: In his paper ‘The Psychology of Curiosity,’ as told by Will Storr in The Science of Storytelling, Loewenstein breaks down four ways to tell a good story that induces curiosity in every human. To trigger curiosity, a good story should:
- Pose a puzzle.
- Expose a sequence of events with an anticipated but unknown resolution (in simple words, a good story should not trigger a “spoiler alert”).
- Violate the expectations of its readers or listeners, which prompts them to seek an explanation.
- Incite a fear of missing out (FOMO).
You can easily agree with Loewenstein and do yourself a great disservice as unthinking automatons, but instead of taking Loewenstein’s words as gospel, let us challenge him: do all good stories truly have these elements?
Most stories that stand the test of time usually involve heroes. Jesus, Avatar, Batman, and Thanos all share a common heroic journey, whether it is good or bad. It is this attribute of heroism that has attracted a significant number of followers and fanatics to them.
A good story begins with a hero who’s unsure of his identity or purpose. This uncertainty is the puzzle that draws you and the hero into it. But that cannot be the end of any good story, right? Once this uncertainty is established, the hero must begin a journey. They must leave the preface and begin to write their chapter. Chapter by chapter, they will encounter challenges that force them to level up or die. Each of these challenges is a puzzle that introduces varying anticipatory emotions. “Would this character survive or die?” automatically becomes the frantic, puzzling search for you, the reader. The longer it takes you to answer, the better the story (most of the time.) If the story tells you everything all at once, then the absence of tension automatically signals boredom.
If you expect the hero to survive and he dies, your heart is broken. You may not say it, but you’d feel the ache. In such moments, you may even call the act “nonsense.” “Why will the hero die? Mttcheww!” In that instant, you’ve anthropomorphised pixels on a screen because they violated your expectations. That riling down your throat is the story performing its duty. And if everyone knows a secret (story) but you don’t, you sure know the fearful feeling of missing out and the agitation that replaces every second that passes by with your ignorance. Think deeply. This is how your Marvel movies, DC series, anime sketches, and whatever intriguing book, even if it’s romance, are crafted.
In high school, I struggled with writing those stupid essays. I suppose it was because we were all forced to remember when to use “have” in place of “has,” rather than writing with purpose. I have taken the time to guide you down this path to prove to you that you already know what to say or write, and all that matters is how to express it. I can even boldly say that after this, you may already know how to answer the prompt. It’s your life, which you know better than anyone else. So, why don’t you write your story like the hero you are?
And what if you think you’re not a hero—if you don’t have a journey to write about? Are you sure?
Are you sure you’ve not held a position, even if it’s class captain?
Are you sure you’ve not assisted a successful or failed project?
Are you sure you haven’t helped even just five people?
Are you sure you haven’t organized an event successfully or unsuccessfully?
Are you sure?
If it’s an emphatic yes, then I can only urge you: go and start something. Get passionate. Serve others, maybe even someone. Build something, even if it’s for the story; you’d most likely fall in love with it. Don’t force the scholarship on yourself; fit yourself to it. Don’t lie; I’ve tried that path. You wouldn’t win, and even if you do, you’re only setting yourself up for frustration ahead. Life is too short to live a lie.
If not, write! Nothing is too small.
Let’s dive into my answer to the prompt!
Paragraph 1: My life’s purpose intertwines my personal growth with the advancement of my community. I firmly believe that a functional society cultivates exceptional individuals who, in turn, contribute to shaping the society. But Africa already missed its Industrial Revolution, and now, its policies only grapple with the challenges of underdeveloped infrastructure. As such, my long-term goal is to establish Nigeria's first research institution dedicated to leveraging technology to address African social challenges.
As you can see, a hero must begin a journey. He doesn’t know how to get there. But alas, he must start. So, what journey or goal are you pursuing? It doesn’t need to be too specific, but you must introduce it. It tells us, the reader, that you have some purpose, and your subsequent journey would reveal your pilgrim's progress. Moreover, you can render this paragraph useless by just stating only your purpose. Consider this: my long-term goal is to establish Nigeria's first research institution dedicated to leveraging technology to address African social challenges. Can’t you taste the boredom? It’s missing the why in my pursuit. It’s clear that I immediately jumped into the spoiler without any background. Remember, a good story exposes a sequence of events. Don’t jump. Tell us why.
Paragraph 2: Before I resolved to change Nigeria, my life wasn’t glamorous. Although graduating as valedictorian↗ at Covenant University was one of the proudest days of my father’s life, I grappled with how to share what I’d unlearned to get here...
What do you notice in this paragraph aside from the redacted words? The hyperlink, yes? What else? I have included the hyperlink in case the reader needs verification as they read. It was the Nigerian in me writing. However, if you peer through, you’d see the third tip for a curious story glaring at you. Pause and guess. Can you see the contrast?
The valedictorian is not as enthusiastic as he should be. His graduation ceremony is obviously thrilling, as evidenced by his father’s pride in him, but he’s less concerned about that and more about unlearning his father’s tenets. Hmmm, why? The “why” appears so because the valedictorian has violated the customary practices of the ceremony. I redacted the reason to build anticipation for my book, haha. I’m abiding by the rules by inciting FOMO. Sign up here.↗
Paragraph 3: It wasn’t until my 200-level that a friend’s dad gave me a new definition of service. He said it in prayer, but it burned into my mind like lava. ‘Nothing created was created for itself.’ That belief dislodged Father’s... By the time I graduated as valedictorian, I wasn’t the guy who killed for grades; I was the guy whose friends celebrated my achievements and contributions alongside my father. My new view on service marked my journey into social development.
At this point, is this writer still on track? I have yet to see all his career achievements and mention of the MasterCard Foundation. Haha. Yes, I am. Remember the first theme in the prompt, Explain your career history? I have been laying some of this groundwork in the previous paragraphs, leading up to this point: My new view on service marks a critical pivot in how I want you, the reader, to view my career journey. Again, you will find all redacted information in my book. Sign up.↗
Mind you, I’m still actively violating your thoughts here. I’m praising my friend’s dad over my dad. Shoot! My dad shouldn’t see this, lest I be in trouble.
Paragraph 4: At mid-200 level, a representative of the National Universities Commission chided me, saying, “Nothing can be done; it’s in the hands of the higher-ups,” when I challenged the rapid decline in our already lackluster Nigerian education. You would never see a more helpless student than I was then. “But it’s our lives on the line.” My heart sank.
Yesterday, while having lunch, I was reading Andrew Carnegie’s "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Principle 20 in Part Three of the book states, "Dramatize your ideas." (For truth to stick, it must be made vivid. You must use showmanship.) That drama is what I was trying to act out in this paragraph. I want you, the reader, to feel the gravity of what I’m up against and what I represent. If a whole representative of the NUC cannot save us, who will if not I? It’s cheesy, but never forget to surprise your reader through drama or mime.
Incidentally, I took this line, "You would never see a more helpless student than I was then," from Hamilton’s musical, “Say No To This” [Hamilton]: You’ve never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break.
Steal. Modify. Write!
Paragraph 5: Inspired by my newly found definition of service, I started by offering tutorials to students. I distilled complex notes and shared them with my course mates. Before I knew it, I was providing notes to all engineering departments. From sharing notes, I began to democratize opportunities for 2 years as a volunteer at TAG↗ and Envisage↗, communities that aim to make college education in Nigeria easier by circulating academic and job opportunities.
This paragraph is crucial, as you’d see when compared against subsequent paragraphs. You’d see that this paragraph pales in comparison to them. You are right. This paragraph should not be included alongside the following ones, but remember, you’re still explaining your career history, and a hero should never skip a stage, no matter how small. He must maintain the sequence. That is why this paragraph earned its place. The writer was simply solving questions and sharing his solutions with others, as well as offering opportunities on a Telegram group chat with over 1,000 members.
And it makes sense if you look back. I had just found a new definition of service; would I immediately jump into building a rocket to save humanity on Mars?
Start from where you are and never undermine the little you think you’ve done. Demonstrate your leadership potential and outline your next steps.
Paragraph 6: As a result of my service, I was selected to be the Academic Officer of the Association of Electrical and Information Engineering Students (AEIES) at Covenant University. I was now responsible for the academic performance of over X students. In this role, I organized periodic seminars ranging from academics to students’ mental health—something I had never imagined. I organized successful engineering events and symposiums that brought in the industry and placed students in internships. My impact grew as external departments and universities sought advice or another piece of guidance. In response, I created nelsonelijah.com, writing over 10,000 words on several student issues and answering numerous student emails. This role honed my leadership, organizational, time management, and delegation skills.
Please tell me you can already feel the cause and effect at work on this hero’s journey. That is the unsaid definition of progress. I don’t have to explicitly say “I grew tremendously, I learned greatly, I worked passionately” before you grasp so. I don’t have to use adjectives to fill in. You can already feel the growth. It’s palpable. Please, take note of this and endeavor to replace all the -ly words with real substance. One quantified paragraph is better than a million wishful splatters of -lys. Don’t obfuscate.
Regarding the concept of cause and effect: Since I am describing a career history, or trajectory, it is vital that I connect the dots. Paragraph 5 is clearly a positive influence on paragraph 6. My recognized work at TAG↗ and Envisage↗ contributed to my winning the contested position for the Academic Officer of the Association of Electrical and Information Engineering Students (AEIES) at my university. The flow makes the scribble appear more cohesive than without it.
If you’d learn anything from this, it’s that the structure of your essay is what matters, not the words themselves. A haphazardly written essay has a very bitter taste and a pungent look. Flow is the secret sauce, and remember to preserve the hero’s sequence of events.
Some of these events didn’t occur in chronological order in my life as they are written. However, in this world, their arrangement perfectly represents the hero’s persona.
Paragraph 7: My flair for impacting people stretched to ENACTUS. In May 2021, as an ENACTUS volunteer, I encountered my first real-world experience with social innovation. I worked with a multidisciplinary team of 30 social advocates to develop ECOBAG—a 72-hour heat-retention bag for MSME women and widows losing margins from destroyed perishable goods due to Nigeria’s power instability. From the engineering perspective I led, we had to meet with a cost-effective price for these women who made a meagre profit of about $8 daily. And on the empowerment side, we had to co-develop the bags with these women to empower them. We taught these underserved women tailoring. They developed the bags while my team added the electronics. In this project, I learned about empowerment and needs assessment. Most importantly, I learned about empathetic leadership as I listened to the stories of Mama Binu, whose son wouldn’t attend school as they lived in abject poverty and without electricity.
Again, can you feel the growth? If you know you’ve done something, then speak up about it. I’m going to reiterate a previous point to emphasize its importance: I don’t have to explicitly say “I grew tremendously, I learned greatly, I worked passionately” before you grasp so. I don’t have to use adjectives to fill in. You can already feel the growth. It’s palpable. Please, take note of this and endeavor to replace all the -ly words with real substance. One quantified paragraph is better than a million wishful splatters of -lys. Don’t obfuscate.
You can clearly see the numbers, timelines, interactions, and learnings. These are the things that make an application stand out. I could have as well rewritten the paragraph thus:
Wrong paragraph 7: My experience at ENACTUS really grew me tremendously and shaped me significantly. I worked very passionately with a very diverse team to create an incredibly innovative solution that helped a lot of women in Nigeria. I contributed strongly to the engineering aspects and helped significantly with the empowerment parts, too. Through this project, I gained a deeper understanding of leadership, empathy, impact, and collaboration. It was a very life-changing moment for me, and I connected deeply with the women we supported. Their stories touched me greatly, and I realized how important it is to help people meaningfully. This experience improved me immensely and pushed me to become a much better leader overall.
That’s it. All fluff and -lys, no substance! It doesn't taste exciting. Don’t write dull.
Paragraphs 8 and 9: September 2023 devastated me when I heard that some areas in Nigeria had been without electricity for 50 years. “How can that be possible?” Yet, this is the reality for over 30,000 Nigerians in Gberefu and over 10 million more nationwide. Questions endlessly raced through my mind: How do their children study? How do their hospitals function in the dark? How does their health fare with kerosene burning indoors?
Determined, I launched the Luminous Life Foundation (LLF) with a team of 15 advocates. Gberefu became our first pilot. Despite its natural beauty, the people lived in abject poverty without electricity. We began researching interventions for the underserved. Our work successfully raised money and distributed over 100 solar lamps to the villagers. We got media attention through Sahara reports, and feedback from Gberefu now tells of kids studying happily.
These paragraphs could serve as one, but I wasn’t comfortable with merging both. In 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing by Gary Provost, I learned that “short is always better,” and that was the exact lesson I implemented here. I introduced the problem I wanted to discuss in the first paragraph and expanded on my solution in the next. You could merge yours, but I wonder how it would taste.
Jordan Peterson, in his guide, emphasized this idea: A paragraph should contain one and only one idea. The two paragraphs could be summed up as one idea, but Gary’s “short is always better” resonated with me, and I suspect it might win you over, too.
The paragraph isn’t too perfect, though. Can you spot the error? I clearly obfuscated in this sentence, "Our work successfully raised money", and I did so on purpose because I feared the money we had raised was too small to be conspicuously mentioned on stage—the mention of “100 solar lamps” covered for it though. I’m not perfect; I need to stick to the rules, and so should you. I can still see more errors. See if you can spot them.
Paragraph 10: Of all social challenges, I am currently driven to combat climate change, as Africa’s climate is warming 50% faster than the global average. In pursuit of this goal, I worked on developing climateinafrica.com, the first definitive source of ecological data on Africa, during my NYSC service at Space In Africa, a leading provider of market intelligence for the African space industry. I am now applying my electrical engineering background to build WMO-compliant weather stations to provide in-situ data for the platform.
I don’t like this paragraph. I feel I could have done better. Why? The jump was too drastic. “Drastic” does create tension, but I thought that the tension almost caused a slackening. Well, I needed to jump into a climate-related affair.
Why?
Are you really asking why? Have you forgotten the third part of the theme? The MCF scholarship at the UoC is particularly keen on the linkage between your chosen course of study and its contribution to climate resilience and sustainability in Africa.
Now, I wasn’t going to glaze their desire just yet. I was preparing to do so. Luckily, my previous work experience had prepared me for this theme. What I was working on was perfectly in line with what they were looking for. I didn’t even need to coin a story. It was just there, begging to be included in the narrative.
If you must jump like I did, please ensure that the cliff is sturdy enough to support your weight.
Paragraphs 11 and 12: In humble appreciation, The Mastercard Foundation’s support for my MPhil in Machine Learning and Machine Intelligence program at Cambridge will help me fill the gap in Africa's infrastructure for climate action. I aim to develop advanced climate models as a service designed to address diverse scenarios, such as monitoring greenhouse emissions, managing animal grazing, optimizing agriculture, addressing water scarcity, mitigating floods, and more, to support policies and drive sustainable climate action across Africa. Moreover, it will give me the technical skills to address pressing social challenges, like the 50-year lack of electricity in Badagry or the inadequate climate data contributing to a 40% decline in agriculture in Nigeria with AI.
Participation in the Mastercard Foundation’s post-course programming at several African partner institutions will help me meet and learn from diverse cohorts of other scholars and develop a network of African advocates to tap into on my journey to solving African social challenges.
You should know why I combined paragraphs 11 and 12. Go and read paragraphs 8 and 9 if you’re perplexed.
This paragraph addresses themes 2 and 3, yet it constitutes only a tiny percentage of the total essay.
Let’s role-play: I want you to observe and think carefully about this. Imagine that you are the Mastercard Foundation at the University of Cambridge, and you are asking prospective scholars to answer this:
Provide a two-page document explaining your career history, how the Mastercard Foundation scholarship will contribute to your trajectory, and how you hope to contribute to the scholarship goal of sustainable futures in Africa.
Where would you expect the scholars to focus more on? Themselves or you?
Since you want to learn about them, you’d expect them to focus more on themselves.
That exact thinking is what guided the distribution of answers to the different parts of the entire question. Such thinking should also guide you.
In just two paragraphs, I have comprehensively explained how the MCF scholarship at the UoC will contribute to my trajectory and how I will contribute to the scholarship goal of sustainable futures in Africa. And I did so by backing my previous experiences. I didn’t need to fluff and introduce new ideas. By providing a detailed explanation of my career history, I have also hit this bird—a shot well planned. Please tie your scholarship essay to your course of study.
Paragraph 13: My past experiences show my strong desire for social innovation; this is my fate. I plan to develop the technological capacity at Cambridge to tackle significant social problems in Africa. Most importantly, my confidence rests on the promise that the Mastercard Foundation Scholarship will help me navigate the complexities of leadership, policy, and economics in my journey to develop an institution that will build scalable and sustainable solutions for African social challenges.
Generally, I conclude my essays with a sentence that stands like a signature and reinforces my purpose. It is also a sound principle of life: Let thy beginnings and thy end be strong. I did steal this line from somewhere, though: my confidence rests on the promise that the Mastercard Foundation Scholarship will help...
Congratulationssss! You have now reached the end. Reading this thoroughly is no easy feat, trust me. Most people never reach the end but yet, most people desire greatness; thankfully, we are not “most people”. What you’ve just read is culmination of eight years of experience. Why eight years? In 2017, I was preparing to go for my Bachelors at Carleton university. I read everything and basically taught myself from the ground up; but I was denied visa, not once, but twice and I was denied for reasons beyond me: Nelson doesn’t have a travel history, so we’ll deny him the chance to go study.
That denial turned into a hunger (partly unhealthy) and I frantically read everything possible on successfully getting into graduate school, and luckily, I landed a fully funded scholarship to study at the university of Cambridge. I’m not done. I want you on this journey as well. It turns out that denials are healthy for me lest I may not have some purpose.
Now, in a whim, you’ve grasped the core of all that I have learned over the years. There is more to come. Africa will only change when you are thoroughly educated and can influence the minds of your fellow Africans. Till that is achieved, I wish that you stay hungry.
Here are some interesting facts about this write-up:
- This write-up took over 12 hours, spread across four days and a 6-hour stretch, to complete. Remember, time is all it takes.
- I was the only one who reviewed this write-up. Don’t be like me; whatever errors you see here aren’t so costly.
- No AI was used in writing this. That’s a lie! I use AI when I need better words, such as “taut,” which I later replaced with “slack.” Remember, don’t obfuscate.
- I corrected over 200 errors in this article using Grammarly Pro.
- It took me three hours to edit this article.
- I had to revisit every book I mentioned here to ensure that I understood what they meant so that I could effectively communicate as I wrote. I even had to listen to Hamilton’s music. Remember, to write well, 5-10 books are needed per 1000 words. This article is exactly 4949 words.
- This guide is exactly what I used to write all my Statements of Purpose (SOP) as well. I have learned the art over a period of eight years, and I am constantly refining and applying it to many opportunities, most of which burn me. Perhaps I’ll create another series for SOPs after I've measured the impact of this one.
Please share so that this reaches the hands of everyone considering pursuing graduate school, or at least the MasterCard Foundation Scholarship at the University of Cambridge. I plan to build the number one career platform for all African students, so no one is left behind. I wish all applicants the best. I’m off to prepare my coursework for submission tomorrow.
Please sign up↗ for my upcoming career book.
Till then.